Before you give up...
You wake up…normal day…maybe not so normal because you woke up with a shimmer of hope that things will be different today. But, today is normal. You make your coffee and have 5 minutes of “me time” before the kids wake up. They wake up and it’s a 100mph start to the day. You have to get them dressed for school; pack lunches, feed them breakfast and brush their teeth. Ready to go! “OMG, you spilled juice all over your shirt? We’re going to be late now!” You sigh and huff, and rush to get your kid a new shirt. Maybe you hope that this morning will be a new morning where your kid won’t talk back. Maybe it will be a dream morning where you wake up, eat breakfast together and have a decent conversation. It was almost good until you ask one simple question like, “Ok, you almost ready to go?” and they snap back with, “Do I look like I’m ready to go?” They stand by consumed by some mindless activity like playing video games or watching dumb videos on their phones. It’s the simple sarcastic response from them that just sets you off. And you STILL have to get dressed and put your make up on to feel some kind of decent. Maybe on top of all of that, you are dealing with a baby, who is sick, or you are dealing with a divorce, or you just can’t handle the pressures of managing work and kids. Maybe you have bills that are piling up and you are trying your best to make sure that your children don’t feel it. You do your best to make sure they have all that they need but they make innocent observations like, “Mom, my friend Josh got new shoes yesterday. I have been wearing the same shoes all school year. Are we poor?” How do you answer that without breaking down? How do you explain to your children that you are NOT Super Mom or Wonder Woman? How do you handle being secretly depressed but trying to keep on your happy face? How do you handle the pressures of life, how do you manage your own feelings? How do you deal with other broken relationships while trying to keep your relationship with your children strong? How do you function?
In 1 Kings 19, the Bible talks about a Prophet named Elijah whose life an evil queen named Jezebel threatened. Jezebel hated Elijah and what he stood for and because she hated him she sent him a threatening message saying, "May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them." WHAT A MESSAGE! She wanted Elijah DEAD, and with that message, Elijah fled like a terrified little puppy.
I’m pretty sure I would have run for my life, too!
Q: What does “Jezebel" have to do with you?
Many of us experience Jezebel-like threats from authoritative systems such as the medical system, bill collectors, school loans, bad family situations, car repossession, bankruptcies, the school system, and family culture. These are systems that can be savage, relentless, careless, unemotional, draining, and terrifying. Most days most people are fleeing from some kind of “Jezebel.” Jezebel puts you on a countdown and says, “If by this time tomorrow you don’t have that rent money we will evict you.” Or she says, “Your child may only have three months to live.” Or she says, “If you can’t get your child behaving better then we have to suspend them from school for the remainder of the semester.” If you allow fear to set in at the sound of her threats and insults, you’ll find yourself paralyzed, indecisive and timid.
Q: What does Elijah have to do with you?
Let’s be real. Sometimes waiting on God’s promises to come through is exhausting and it’s tempting to take matters into our own hands. The temptation to run for your life is real! Elijah ran to the wilderness and sat under a tree and asked God to take his life. He said, “It is enough: now, O Lord, take my life away…” (1 Kings 19:4). I’ve had days, especially when I was struggling with postpartum depression that I said, “God, I love my family and my kids, but I just want to go to sleep forever and not wake up. I can’t function, I’m over exhausted…I just can’t do this anymore.” I ran to my wilderness and cried out to God just as Elijah did. When you think about it, it’s kind of a silly thing to run to the wilderness. There is nothing but heat, isolation, no food, no water, and no hope. The wilderness feels so safe though. You are in control when you fight alone, right? WRONG.
Most of us are like Elijah because when life threatens us we run!
There is REST
God didn’t respond immediately to Elijah’s emotional desire to die. Instead, in the middle of the wilderness, God let him rest under a broom tree. A broom tree is pretty remarkable. It’s indigenous to the Middle East, North Africa, and in Israel it is widespread in deserts. It’s a shrub with a huge canopy and produces white flowers that emit a sweet scent of honey. How relaxing!
God provided a sweet, safe atmosphere for Elijah to be renewed before he dealt with him.
My dear parent friends, sometimes the thing you may need the most is REST. It’s ok to rest. Your family will get the better version of you when you make time to rest. This doesn’t necessarily mean sleep. It may be simply doing something restful and finding balance while managing life’s loud threats. While you rest, you will find the healing that you need. You will find the balance that is necessary to function. So please, my friend, REST. I’ve written it a million times in a few sentences and I’ll write it again. REST.
There are RATIONS
In the Bible story, an angel provided bread and water to sustain Elijah for the journey ahead. Even when Elijah was ready to quit, God provided for him. As a matter of fact, he tried going back to sleep and the angel made him eat more warning him of the journey ahead. God's provision in that one moment sustained him until he reached his next destination, and that's the case with you as well. Things may get tight, but if you think about it, you always somehow have your "daily bread". Your children have what they need for today. You haven’t lost your mind today—man, you really have the grace you need for today! Your kids have winter clothes. They have what they need. They’re healthy and even though the threats are depressing, they’re laughing and playing. They have what they need for today. You cried today, and that’s what you needed for today. Someone gave you groceries. You have what you need for today. You have a good pediatrician. Your children have what they need for today. You don’t know it all and don’t have it all, BUT you have what you need for TODAY. Is it a coincidence that everything just falls into place at the last possible second or is it the grace of God? Perhaps, we should rest even in the midst of those barking threats and demands because we have a father in God that sees us and knows what we need JUST AS we see and know the needs of our little ones.
There are RELATIONSHIPS (7,000 of them)
In 1 Kings 19:16-18, we learn that God appointed specific people to help Elijah finish the work he had begun, and he even revealed to him that he had about 7,000 other prophets just like him that had not compromised in their calling. Isn’t it amazing that we often feel so alone as parents? We think we’re the only ones going through the lows, the stresses, the pains, and moments of nearly losing our minds. Out in public, every other mom seems so calm and collected like she’s just mastered this thing, but if this world is anything like Elijah’s then perhaps that “perfect” mom you envy AND idolize AND hate is hanging on the same breaking point as you. What if there were 7,000 moms close by that were just like you—exhausted but relentlessly committed to their children? I believe God gives us grace at times by giving us people for our lives. It’s our responsibility as parents to be more than just Super Moms to our kids. We are also responsible for investing ourselves into other parents by encouraging them. You’re one of someone else’s 7,000. It breaks my heart to see moms struggling quietly in isolation. You are definitely the best parent for your child, but sometimes, you need help and recognizing that doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise! This means opening up to others and being honest about what kind of help you need and what you’re struggling with. In multiplying yourself into others and trusting them in the process, those relationships will naturally add value to you. It will be a never-ending cycle of healing; A cycle of balance. Relationships are resources from God. Please, don’t be super mom trying so hard to be so “strong” that you reject your 7,000! You become weak from trying to be too strong.
All I’m trying to say is that life happens, parenting gets tough, material things are threatened, you need emotional help, and through all of that, there is HOPE!
In summary, every day of your parenting journey, don't forget to notice your access to...
1. REST
What ever rest looks like for you; Rest! REST! Find balance!
2. RATIONS
Don’t forget to recognize what you have every day!
3. RELATIONSHIPS (7,000)
There is help for you in some form. Receive it!
Much love, and I hope that this helps a parent in need of encouraging words today!